Shinya-kun
by The dudeoffanfiction
Summary: "You wipe away my tears...That's how I know you've always cared." (A Yamato 2199 character study)
1. Chapter 1

**Shinya-kun**

**1: Lasting in the Midst of Change**

_**A/N: This story is a narration of Itou Shinya's (the security chief on the Yamato in 2199) life story. Every chapter (except for two) will jump a few years or so.**_

_**A/N: This is a short story. It won't be any longer than 5 chapters.**_

_2181 10:20 PM_

"We're not moving,"  
>I wasn't going to stand for it. I didn't care how "wonderful" the Shiga prefecture was supposed to be.<p>

I wasn't moving.

"Itou-kun,"

My mother bent down on her right knee, meeting my eyes with a sympathetic frown. "I know it's hard, but Shiga has been gaining some popularity lately. And I don't just mean the locales,"  
>I straightened my posture questioningly.<p>

"Thanks to the artifact discovery several years ago, the area has significantly increased in value. One of the best universities in the country is in that region."  
>She almost desperately consoled me, gently placing her hands on my shoulders.<p>

"Itou, this isn't about any one of us. This is about you and your sister's future."

She tightened her grip. "Please, try to understand. We're only thinking about what's best for you,"  
>"Then we wouldn't be moving!" I said, shaking out of her grasp. "I wanna stay here, my friends are here, I have everything I want here, and I don't want anything to change."<br>"Shinya,"  
>My father sternly interjected.<p>

"We know what's best for you. I will _not _let you turn into the failure of a man I was."

I stared into his eyes, pleading tears begging him to reconsider his stance. It was a hopeless gesture, of course, my father never backed down when he emphasized a command. Being young, however, I felt I could do anything I put my mind to. A bit of a stubborn idealistic streak if you will.

Realizing my plea, he crossed his arms, and stoically shook his head.

Well, I tried.

"Dad-"  
>"I'm sorry, Itou," He said, softening his defense by using my first name. "I hope one day you'll understand why we did this."<br>"Yeah right,"

He furrowed his eyebrows sternly.

"How could I when there's nothing to understand?"

I dashed out of the living room hall and into the large, woody area behind our house.

"Give him time," I faintly heard my mother console him. "He'll be happy again,"  
>Sighing, I threw my body down on the pine wood porch right above the ground, and tightened my fists impetuously.<p>

At that time, I was a bit of a deep thinker. I dare say I was twice as intelligent as the kids who were still growing up around me. Academically, I had earned my parents' respect years ago, from the time I'd started first grade. In reality, I should've seen their decision to move coming a mile a while.

However, I was only _twice _as smart as the people around me.

"Shinya!"  
>I would've recognized that voice if I was miles away from my home driving in one of the noisier garbage trucks. She had a tendency for rather loudly announcing my presence, despite the fact we'd been family for six years now. My father joked it was a sign of feminine arrogance at an early age. It was quite a bit of time before I understood exactly what he was talking about.<p>

"Shinya-kuun!"  
>Predictably, I couldn't stand that shrill screech for very long.<br>"I'm out here!" I yelled in tone, adding somewhat of an amateurish malice under the pitch of my words.

Stomping loudly across the hard-wood floor, she growled viciously in my direction, placing her hands childishly on her hips.

"Why are you so mad? Ya didn't have to yell, you know."  
>On the contrary, my sister's dialect was quite typical for a six year old girl.<p>

From the day she was born, I'd felt a rather strong averseness to the idea of having a sister. Everything about her reeked with a domineering sense of innocence that I just couldn't stand. Calling it foolish jealousy would most certainly be accurate, as I could never logically justify my pestering fears.

"Leave me alone," I said, turning my head to the side. My sister, however, was one of those people who didn't like to give up.

Jumping from the little elevated porch above the grass, she scooted around my despairing figure, and met with my eyes.

I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of getting angry. Instead, I looked to the other side.

She met up with me again.

I faced the other side.

She met up with me again.

At this point, her impertinent behavior had far exceeded my tolerance level. Thus, I reacted accordingly.

"Would you get out of my face?! Dang, you're annoying."  
>"Itou," Her imitation of mom could have used work. "Don't try to scare me. Big brothers are supposed to take care of little sisters."<p>

"I'm not big; I'm short for my age. Why do you think I don't play sports?" At the time, that was one thing I'd said to her that was actually true. It never bothered much, but I couldn't help feeling a streak of envy when I noticed how tall some of my classmates were. Had it not been for my superior intellect, I might have acted more pensive towards them for it.

"That's not what 'big brother' means. You know how that works, right? You're suppose to luv me, and take care of me, and make sure I never cry."  
>"Well, if that's what a big brother is to you, then you better find a new one." I shifted myself away from her again. "You wanna know why I'm so upset? I'm sad 'cause mom and dad said we're moving."<br>"Moving?" She didn't get it. I should've expected her to be ignorant of such a concept. "What does that mean?"  
>"It means we're going to be living somewhere else!" I felt bitter tears stinging the corners of my eyes as I yelled. "Now do you get what I'm talking about?"<p>

I threw my face forcefully into my knees, retracted into a fetal position, and cried. I hated crying; especially in front of my sister. It made me feel both immature, and useless. Ultimately, I just wished my sister would get the idea, and buzz off.

She did get the idea, just not in the way I was thinking of at the time.

The next time I looked at her she was crying.

Her face was buried deep into her hands. I noticed a couple of tear drops fall on the pine wood edge she sat on.

"_Stop crying… Please, I can't cheer you up right now. I can't…"_

She annoyed me. When she was three, I lost my temper whenever I couldn't understand her, and I rarely ever went out of my way to do anything for her. I never really tried to protect her, and there were many times I was certain I didn't love her.

But I could stop her tears.

"Hey,"

She looked up at me, her bright auburn eyes red from crying.

"Don't cry, okay? Only big brothers are allowed to cry,"  
>I stroked one of her loose, chestnut bangs behind her ear. I gave her a couple of minutes to compose herself before continuing.<p>

"Do you wanna know why I was so angry?"  
>She slide her finger under her eyelid, and nodded.<p>

"Okay," I took a deep breath, gazing at the crescent moon illuminating the sky below.

"I don't like it when things change. When things change, I don't know what I'm supposed to expect. I have to learn what the world's like again, and what the people in the world are gonna be like. It sounds weird, but I wann… want to make sure I know what's right in front of me. I… I hate feeling like I stuff is different. I don't want to feel like I'm… Not as important as everybody else."  
>I glanced back her way for a moment. "Does that make any sense?"<br>"Yeah," She sniffed much the same way I did. "And it sounds selfish."  
>I never was very good at trying to express my feelings. Whenever I did, it either sounded like I was losing my temper or that I didn't even have a basic grasp of my language skills. I shouldn't have been surprised that my six year old sister would respond in such a way.<p>

"Hey, I'm not trying to be selfish," I huffed, forcing my eyes back towards the stars. "And even if it is selfish, I already told you I wasn't a big brother."  
>"That's not true,"<br>"Huh?" I focused my eyes on her, a carefree smile erasing the tears in her eyes. "What do you mean?"  
>Out of the blue, she wrapped her gentle little arms around me, burying her face into my side.<p>

"Because you wiped my tears away." She smiled even brighten than before, revealing year-old dimples on her cheeks.

"That's how I know you love me,"  
>The shock in my face turned into peace. I smiled just like her, and patted her head with my hand.<br>"Alright… But if you get to you love me, then you have to meet a condition."  
>"A condition?" She said, retreating from her embrace.<p>

"The word's not important," I sighed. "If you get to love me like you say, then you have to promise not to cry."  
>A childish promise. An idealistic promise. At that time, I thought I could do anything. I thought I could save the world.<p>

"Can you promise me that?"  
>She puzzled over my words. Only for a moment, though. She responded by giggling an infant's laugh.<p>

"I promise,"  
>I thought I could make sure she would always love me.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**2: Adolescence's Strong Divide**

_2185, December 23, 7:05 PM_

"Never seen a more festive young lad,"

My body crumbled helplessly against the ground, reeling pitifully against the wooden planks below me.

"'Already been arrested three times this December,"  
>A low, bellowing laugh escaped the police guard's lips.<p>

"Again?" My mother said, focusing her accusatory eyes at me.

"Yeah," He jerked the half broken cigar out of his mouth, tapping the rear end against the knee of his pants. Although I'd only known the imperious braggart of a police officer from the times he'd escorted me home, I could tell he had no regard for the smoke-free cigars, or the more predictable nicotine patches which had grown exponentially in use over the past few years. It seemed his desire to demonstrate his high moral standing was off-set by his tobacco addiction.

"Little punk was whacking a storage truck outside of town with a lead pipe. Real cheeky of him to think he could get away with that,"  
>"Is anyone going to press charges?" I was surprised to hear the edge in my mom's voice when she spoke. I considered whether she was just losing her temper, or if she was irritated by the man's arrogant behavior.<p>

"No, they weren't willing to prosecute the little animal," I glared tensely into his eyes. "Not in the middle of the Christmas season. He's lucky they ain't heartless mother-hating reprobates like him."  
>He was about to start cackling again when a high-pitched warning sound blared from a portable communicator on his belt. Groaning, he thrust the device up to his ear.<p>

"Yeah… Alright,"  
>He silenced the communicator.<p>

"I gotta go. Somethin' going down at a shuttle landing site not far from here,"

He bent down to meet my eyes.

"I expect you to keep _him _out of trouble, ma'am."  
>He lowered his dark blue cap above his eyes, and slammed the door. My mother placed her hands on her hips, and stared straight into my soul.<p>

"Really, Shinya? Two days before Christmas? Really?"

Fourteen hadn't exactly been a great year for me. My first year of high school, and I'd felt lost from the first day. My greater level of intelligence was no longer a factor I could say I held above other people.

After a couple of days of letting life take its course, I had enough.

I stopped attending classes entirely.  
>Of course, what made such behavior even more concerning was what I did in my spare time. I'd gotten myself involved in gang violence, and was frequently committing petty crimes to earn my respect in their ludicrously determined hierarchy. There were times I was able to escape without getting caught, there were times I didn't. However, there were other, less bearable times where I was forced to face with the responsibility of what I'd done.<p>

I don't think I need to explain that this was one of those times.

"So?"  
>I stubbornly kicked the door behind me, and plopped my body into the front chair at the kitchen table.<p>

"I have a right to do what I wanna do."  
>"Do you realize how upset your father would be if he found out about this?" She tightened her fist. "Ever since you started high school, you haven't cared about anyone but yourself."<br>My mother had been a more congenial person until she found out about what I'd been doing. Because of my doggedness, I had eliminated some of her deeper sympathies, replacing them with anxieties of my own making.

She was still kind, of course. She just didn't show that kindness much in front of me.

"You don't get what high school's like, do you?" I slid my chair away from the table. "Life's tough these days. Everybody's scraping to be at the top of the pack. If you can't get up there with 'em, you have to take what you can get."

"What happened to you?"  
>She said, her voice straining to stay quiet.<br>"What _happened _to you?"

"I'm still the same person,"  
>"No, only in the most meaningless sense of the word," She leaned her right hand on the counter top a few yards in front of the table. "You never tell us anything anymore. You spend your afternoons, evenings and probably mornings hanging out with those reprobates, getting yourselves into trouble all the time. You never spend any time with the family, and you don't even spend any time with your sister—"<br>"I love my sister!"  
>I slammed my hands against the table, rattling the wood inside.<p>

"Don't ever doubt that!"  
>Unsurprisingly, my mom was taken aback by my rather forceful retort. Sighing, she placed her hand on her forehead, clearly exhausted with the whole thing.<p>

"I don't,"  
>My anger retreated slightly.<p>

"I don't doubt you love your sister. I don't even doubt you love your father and I."  
>My eyes followed her as she walked across the floor.<p>

"It's just… I want the boy who cared about his life back in my home."  
>My mother had recited a similar speech to me several times before. She made sure to alter it every so often so I wouldn't feel the pain of being lectured as much, but it never worked for me. I was the type of person who took more pain from implications rather than words alone. Since her implications were always the same, the pain always hit just as hard.<p>

I jerked my front bangs angrily.

"I…I'm sorry, here I go again," A frown crossed her face. "I've been trying too hard to reach you with something I know you won't listen to anyhow."

"It's not because it's you," I explained as calmly as I could. "The reason I'm so upset is because you never take the time to listen-"  
>"I know what's been happening at school, Itou. The teachers told us right after we found out you had been cutting classes."<p>

_That doesn't tell you anything. _I shook my head defiantly. _They won't tell you the truth._

"If you had told us sooner, we might have been able to help-"  
>"How?"<br>I yelled, standing up from that quaint little table once again.

"How were you supposed to help me?"  
>Once again, my mother was left speechless. Our psychological duel had ended.<p>

I say 'ended' because it never felt good to 'win'.

Cursing under my breath, I dashed away from the kitchen down the hallway leading to my bedroom. My loud footsteps were more than likely to attract my father's attention, but I didn't really care if he woke up. If anything, the shades of black blanketing the walls with uncertainty bothered me more.

As soon as he heard about what happened, my dad had tried to be reasonable with me. Through both a sympathetic and down-to-earth attitude, he'd tried to explain why my actions were wrong. Although we'd talked almost ten times a week after my behavior started, he soon grew tired of fighting. Eventually, work took up more of his time, and he never felt he had the time to speak anymore.

I felt sympathy for his position. There were times I'd secretly admit that I knew what I was doing was wrong.

But I was uncoordinated. I couldn't find a reason to face up to my actions, nor could I see a reason in endure being the victim of lion tamers' acts.

So lately, whenever such conversations arose, I'd always end up running away.

I was planning to run all the way to my room, but an opening door to my right side stopped me in my tracks.

My sister was always looking for a reason to stay awake. Ever since she'd started fifth grade, she'd felt a firm obligation to stay awake longer than anyone else in her class did. In that way, I ascertained she was painfully immature.

And, of course, she was just as loud.

"What are you-?!"  
>"Shhh,"<br>Well, before correction that is.

"What are you doing up so late?" She said, enunciating each word in the statement.

"It doesn't matter," I said.

"You got in trouble with the po-lice again, didn't ya?"  
>"That's none of your business," I growled under my breath.<p>

"Don't try to hide it from me," She smirked evilly. "If you have something you wanna talk about, you can talk."

I glared at her, the amoral deficiency in my eyes noticeable thanks to the light. "Don't even think about it,"

I twisted the doorknob behind me, and slipped into my room.

"Hey, hey wait,"  
>My fist tightened the knob so hard, I heard it squeal. "What?"<p>

"I wanna know,"  
>"I'm sick; a disease that needs to die. What more do you wanna know?"<br>"_Don't _say that!" She raised her voice. "If I hear you say that again, you'll regret it."  
>I sighed, letting my eyes close. I released the door knob, and quietly strode towards her direction.<p>

"Why does it matter if I die?" I narrowed my now open eyes.  
>"Because you're my brother,"<br>She sneered.

"And I love you,"

I frowned. The orange light in the background, somewhat appropriate for the mood revealed that I'd lost my scowl. My eyes showed a conciliatory gaze of hopelessness.

I stared at her seriously.

"You need to stop relying on me one of these days."  
>"Idiot,"<br>She kicked her foot against the door.

"Alright. Go on,"  
>I leaned my back against the hallway. She, meanwhile, was standing slightly away from the right border of the doorway, glancing over at me as if she held some type of authority over me.<p>

"Why did you start acting weird?"  
>I groaned.<p>

"Answer the question,"  
>I didn't bother glaring at her. It would have been hard for her to see my face in the dark anyways.<p>

"I wasn't ready to be a teenager,"  
>A childish beginning, I never thought I'd end up telling her about my problems. As a matter of fact, I was under the equally juvenile impression that I would continue my way of living without any roadblocks at all.<p>

I never expected to be turning to her again.

"All of my life… I knew exactly where I was headed. I mean, I'm the smart kid. I learned about my surrounding as soon as I could in elementary and middle school. When I got to high school, I wasn't ready to face a hostile environment. I… I wasn't ready to deal with everybody hating me."  
>I paused, taking a chance to sweep my overgrown bangs out of my eyes.<p>

"So, when it happened, and I didn't know what to do, I was desperate. I'd been above other people before, but I'd never been beneath them. I always knew what I was doing, one way or another. When there was no one who truly respected me… I turned desperate to find someone who would."  
>I placed my head back against the wall. "That's why I started hanging out with the bad guys. It earned me a little bit of money from time to time, and I never had to worry about not being able to earn respect. They wouldn't bat an eye as long as I did what I was told. I never thought about how long I might be doing it, I never thought about how long I'd be missing school. I…"<br>I turned away from her.

"I never thought I'd be so stupid."  
>Dead air. A static ringing in my ears was all that kept me awake. My sister didn't make any noise to show she was awake.<p>

My story was done. She had nothing to say.

"What am I doing?'

Her head shifted.

"I'm heading to bed. If mom and dad wake up, tell them I was throwing a fit. They'll understand."  
>I slipped down the hallway back towards my door. I opened the door, and walked inside. She was inside her room, but her door hadn't closed.<p>

I faced her from across the hall.

"You have nothing to say? You aren't gonna complain that I'm a loser, or call me an idiot? You aren't gonna tell me why I'm wrong?"  
>Her eyebrows creased as she stared into my eyes.<p>

"You know what's right,"  
>I snorted indifferently. "Yeah, I guess I do."<br>I started to close the door.

"Shinya?"  
>I tightened my grip on the door.<br>"_What_?"

"Don't die like you said you would… Promise?"

I smirked slightly before closing the door.


End file.
